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We had escaped the blue house only to be followed to the new house. We left the new house and thought we had escaped. The family unit began to break down. One of the kids killed themselves. He was 17. That is all i will say about that.
My world shattered. I lost the kids. They went to live with their dad. I began to drink and drug trying to die with the child we had lost. If not die, stay as numb as humanly possible. I withdrew from the world. I wanted no part of it. I became a shut in.
Mom had lung cancer and was dying on top of all this. Between binges I spent time with her. I can’t change what was done now. I spent almost every day with mom except weekends when I was high, drunk or both.
One night I stayed the night when she was in air hunger and having a crisis. Which is awful to watch by the way. I would not wish that on my wort enemy. She was afraid to go to sleep. Afraid she would not wake up. I promised i would stand sentinel and ensure she was okay. I sat up in the chair next to her bed until her breathing became smoother and not so labored. I quietly got up and wen tot lay on the couch in the living room.
I had not been there but a minute or two, and do not recall shutting my eyes. If I did it was brief. I had been watching television. Suddenly I hear a loud scarping noise coming from the kitchen. I sit up and and I see one of the kitchen chairs sliding on the floor out of the kitchen toward me. Then the pantry door swings open. The the fridge door swings open.
Sheer terror lightenings thru my body. I actually ask out out “Is this really happening?” as I stare at the scene. The chair hits the recliner next to me and changes direction to go around and begins sliding again. I start screaming. Its all i can do is scream.
My next memory is my daughter in law standing next to me with a look of concern. I am crouched with my feet under me like an animal on the couch. I am startled to have her standing next to me. “whats wrong mom?” she says. I look at her confused and then into the kitchen. My son is standing their waiting with a bat to attack the intruder and he looks angry. The kitchen is normal. The chair is where it belongs and the fridge and pantry are back to the way they were.
“But, I was awake!” I tell my daughter in law. “I know I was awake!” I insist.
She soothes me and I lay back down. I know intermediately you will say sleep paralysis. Well sleep paralysis entails your body is paralyzed. hence sleep paralysis. your brain releases a hormone to paralyze your body so you don’t walk around while sleeping. sometimes it shorts out and your paralyzed for too long. I was not paralyzed as evidenced by me in the crouched position with my feet under me. sleep walkers don’t recall the dream.
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